What therapy is NOT

There are many myths about therapy and how it works... this blog post is determined to bust these myths.

Myth 1- If I have a problem the counselor will give me a solution.

Therapy is about finding solutions for oneself. The therapist is only a facilitator who helps clients get a better understanding about themselves. Therapy is a process and it takes time, patience and effort on part of the client. There are no quick fixes or magic wand solutions in therapy.

Myth 2- Therapy involves a couch and the therapist can read your mind.

Therapy can involve a couch but the couch concept came up in Freudian times and is generally a method used by psychoanalysts. Most current therapies follow a sit down, face to face method. The therapist is not a mind reader or an "antaryami". Therapists have an understanding of human behavior and understand body language and motives of behavior. Therefore, therapists might be able to read into a client's actions or behaviors but they generally cannot read what is on someone's mind by just looking at them .

Myth 3- Therapists just talk and therapy is all talk.
There are many forms of therapy like activity therapy, play therapy, expressive art therapy, music therapy and talk therapy. Although talk therapy is the most common form of therapy it does not mean that all therapists do is talk. The therapist's primary job is to listen and therapists are taught the art of listening. Therapists listen to not only the content of a client's words but also to the thoughts and feelings behind it. Therapists use this art to understand the client and reflect it back to the client so that they can get a better understanding into their own thoughts and feelings.

Myth 4- Therapy will make me feel better almost instantaneously.

As mentioned before therapy is a process which takes time. The primary motive of therapy is to gain understanding into ones own world and take actions that are healthier for oneself. Therapy makes you feel better in the long run but can be uncomfortable in the beginning. One has to process feelings, thoughts and events in their life that are uncomfortable in order to make way for other thoughts and feelings. The therapist provides support and helps you process uncomfortable feelings in a safe way to make way for healthier coping mechanisms.

Myth 5- The therapist is the expert on me.

This is the biggest fallacy existing in the minds of new clients. Only you are the expert on you. The therapist is an expert in human behavior and can help you understand you.. but can never tell you what to do because only YOU know best about what will work for you. The therapist can provide suggestions, brainstorm and be there for you as you try new things in life but the therapist cannot live your life for you.

Myth 6- Therapy needs a few meetings so that the therapist can meet you and give suggestions.

Therapy is not structure less. Therapy has a clear beginning which is devoted to rapport building, has a middle where the therapist will use the information provided by the client to provide feedback, support and suggestions. And therapy has a clear end which should be marked by a termination session which is processed over a few meetings. The termination can be initiated either by the client or the therapist but should be agreed upon by both parties.

Myth 7- The therapist is the expert who knows everything. The therapist may get upset if I ask too many questions or give feedback.

Therapy is all about the client- therapist relationship. The therapist gives the client honest feedback even if it is hurtful because the therapist acts as a mirror for the client. A mirror does not lie it generally gives us back our reflection.. with all its beauty and all its flaws.
If the therapist can give honest feedback to the client.. the client should also be allowed to voice their opinions. Therapy can be extremely effective if it is transparent and honest. It is a client's right to ask the therapist what is being done in therapy, what the plan of treatment is and what direction therapy is taking. The client also has the right to access their records and files to see what is being documented about them. However, no other family member has this right and can only have access to the files if the client grants written permission. All records are kept confidential and hence to be shared with any other person the therapist needs to take prior permission of the client.

Myth 8- Therapy is just problem solving.

Problem solving can be one goal of therapy where the therapist and client can attack the problem together but it is not what therapy is in totality. Therapy involves finding ways to understand our problems and gives us tools to deal with the problem. Not in all cases can the problem be completely solved.. that is a very high expectation from therapy. Eg: If your wife is what you perceive as the the problem and she is not in the session with you. The therapist cannot bring about change in your wife's behavior. The therapist can only help you see how to deal with your wife's behavior, how her behavior is impacting you, what you want from the relationship and help you decide where you want the relationship to head.

Myth 9- I am weak if I go for counseling or therapy. I should be able to solve my problems.

Another common belief is that if I see myself as "strong" I should be able to deal with my own problems. Weak and strong are huge judgments to put on yourself. The truth is that at some point in our lives we all feel helpless or overwhelmed. Therapy can provide you a place to vent your feelings, be accepted non- judgmentally and provide tools to deal with such issues in the healthiest way possible. It takes an awful amount of strength to take care of your mental health. Therapy can be seen as a gym for your mind. Not all of us go to the gym only when there is a threat of heart disease some of us go just to keep ourselves healthy.