I have heard a million reactions to the Boys don't cry- Boys don't make girls cry advertisement doing the rounds these days. As a psychologist and a feminist, I have a huge reaction to this ad. Even though the final message asking us to start the women empowerment talk by starting with the boys is a good one- there is an inherent issue with asking boys not to cry. What message are we sending to the boys if we tell them they cannot cry? And should we be addressing that message before we even plant another message and yet another burden for them to not make anyone cry?
Boys are humans and like I tell my students everyday, human emotions and SHOCKINGLY human responses to human emotions are the same for both genders. So by telling boys that they must not cry what are we really telling them-
1. Boys don't cry because crying is a sign of weakness
2. Boys cannot be weak and should always be STRONG
3. Boys become "girls" if they cry and GOD FORBID if boys are like girls because, believe me, that is the BIGGEST INSULT
So where are boys to go from here- they cannot show emotion. They cannot hurt others either (rightfully so)- so what should boys do? Contain their emotion, swallow their sadness and look strong yet not threatening.
Here is a little tit bit of information that is hugely important- Sadness, fear, guilt, insecurity, disappointment and a gamut of similar emotions when not expressed in a healthy way will either result in anger- inwards (depression) or anger outwards (rage). You don't want your boys to hurt other people. First teach them that it is okay to cry- for a boy and a girl. And maybe if a boy can process his emotions and has societal permission to do so- he will not feel the need to hurt a girl to maintain his status of strength and power.
Can't we free our boys and girls from gender stereotypes so that they can be who they are truly meant to be in the first place? HUMANS
Boys are humans and like I tell my students everyday, human emotions and SHOCKINGLY human responses to human emotions are the same for both genders. So by telling boys that they must not cry what are we really telling them-
1. Boys don't cry because crying is a sign of weakness
2. Boys cannot be weak and should always be STRONG
3. Boys become "girls" if they cry and GOD FORBID if boys are like girls because, believe me, that is the BIGGEST INSULT
So where are boys to go from here- they cannot show emotion. They cannot hurt others either (rightfully so)- so what should boys do? Contain their emotion, swallow their sadness and look strong yet not threatening.
Here is a little tit bit of information that is hugely important- Sadness, fear, guilt, insecurity, disappointment and a gamut of similar emotions when not expressed in a healthy way will either result in anger- inwards (depression) or anger outwards (rage). You don't want your boys to hurt other people. First teach them that it is okay to cry- for a boy and a girl. And maybe if a boy can process his emotions and has societal permission to do so- he will not feel the need to hurt a girl to maintain his status of strength and power.
Can't we free our boys and girls from gender stereotypes so that they can be who they are truly meant to be in the first place? HUMANS
